Sunday, February 14, 2016

Sister Mary Ignatius Beckons Supreme Court Chub to His Last Catechism

The Roman Catholic faithful cannot resist Sister Mary Ignatius.  And the not-so-faithful Catholics can't forget her.  Sister was a professional virgin whose lack of experience did not disqualify her from lecturing her charges on all sorts of sexual matters.  The catechism, compiled and maintained by like virgins of either sex, with its chapters of instruction on each of the Ten Commandments, devotes an inordinate amount of attention to the Sixth Commandment.  The Sixth Commandment...Thou shalt not commit Adultery...is pretty succinct, but Sister and her fellow travelers, priests and nuns again, chaste and saintly all, don't leave it at that.  With the Baltimore Catechism (the widely used version known to anybody who went to Catholic school or attended Sunday School), Sister and an army of clerics expand the Lord's rule to include all sorts of thoughts and behavior they like to classify as 'impure.'  This perverse strategy of control is applied to Catholic children from the age of seven or so (did you touch yourself down there? or did you think about touching yourself down there?), and thank the Heavenly Lord, that most of us along the path to Adulthood, recognize this bullshit for what it is and move on.  Sister, let my mind alone!!  Many of us, those of us who have seen The Light, would have to be described as nominal Catholics, or non-practicing Catholics, or worse...bad Catholics.

Not so our late Supreme Court justice, who like fellow Catholics Roberts, Kennedy, Alito and that other one, and unlike many of us, never seemed to dislodge the baggage heaped on by Sister Mary Ignatius and her cohorts.  If he was pursued by chubby chasers along Life's Great Highway, we must believe that he kept the faith and always followed the Catechism's lesson on the Sixth Commandment.  I'm pretty sure he did not touch himself down there, all those kids aside.  Judging by his writings and speeches and actions, there was just as much Sister Mary as there was Constitution, in his judicial opinions.  So when Sister Mary Ignatius beckoned, off he went to heed her call.  One would hope that the Catechism went with him, but no such luck.  Sister Mary Ignatius lives...with Roberts, Kennedy, Alito and that other one.

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