Sunday, January 6, 2019

San Francisco Gay Landmarks Pass with 2018

The Nob Hill Theater is no more.  The nice guys, who owned and operated it, retired and sold the building and went south to spend their golden years in the desert.  In its closing days, the place was open to the public and everything, that wasn't nailed down, was offered up for sale.  While I detected a number of curiosity seekers, the bulk of the crowd consisted of men who ventured there with a purpose: to review, remember and touch the final curtain.  There was no curtain at the Nob Hill, actually, and the theater is much smaller than I had remembered.  Probably only about 50 could be seated at any given time and the stage was intimate and reachable, so important to its ends.

So many years have passed since I was last a paying customer there, that the mirror cracks with this confession: I paid money I had struggled to earn, to watch the legendary Chris Burns perform his dildo routine on that very stage.  As I revisited last month, that whole era came back, and in a very bittersweet way, as Chris (or Danny, straight out of Vallejo) was very much a local San Francisco character, seen bopping around town on his motorcycle, a regular at the Eagle usually in jeans and a ripped tee shirt slit down to his waist (decades before these latter queens), having ventured out from his digs in the faded lavender Victorian next to Stomper Boots.  Chris worked for San Francisco's Falcon Studios and Bijou Studios, and did some down and dirty work for LeSalon, but I liked him best in 'Room Service Plus' (by Sid Roth), filmed on location at the fabled Coral Sands motel down in LA.  I think I may still have that video somewhere, in its VHS format, but I've never seen his donkey fuck video, rumored for so long that it is part of the local folklore for those of us who have survived to this day that the Nob Hill is no more.

I never ventured to the back room, designed for more intimate entertainment, but that had nothing to do with the Nob Hill management.  I don't like sex with my clothes on, so the back room never interested me.  And don't ask about the 442 Natoma, although I'm glad for its presence and am a little anxious that it might not survive this year.  I admit to being sentimental, but I don't understand why it's not a consistent thing with me.  For example, on more than one occasion, I had the chance to see Armond Rizzo at the Nob Hill, but I just couldn't get it together...and I like Armond as much as I like Chris Burns.  Anyway, all the inventory at the Nob Hill theater boutique was for sale, as were the furnishings in the 'Green Room' apartment in the back (was there a nice little deck out there or am I just wishing?), and a lot of props, including the stuff used by Rafael Alencar, who was the last of a long list of great acts who made the Nob Hill so special.  I did buy a little concrete planter box, which has nothing to do with porn.  Like I said, I am sentimental in some ways.

Another gay San Francisco landmark that didn't make it to 2019 is the famous Gump's department store.  I go back to the older store just off Union Square where the clerks wrote the sales in long hand and took it to the cashier personally, and brought back your receipt or change with your purchase carefully wrapped.  There was never a rush at Gump's (except at the After Christmas sale) and people in a hurry wouldn't bother with Gump's.  It was so, so, nice. While the ground floor housed jewelry, couture and a lot of high class decorator junk, there was the furniture and interior design department on the second floor, where the boys, clad in suits, sat at their desks and carried out business in a nice, low key style.  I guess it was too low key for the corporate people who bought the store from the Gump family, because the interior design department didn't make it to the newer, glitzier location.  Anyway, it's all gone now, and sadly missed.  So long, 2018.

Monday, December 24, 2018

Trumpf Will Not Fuck a Chicken on Broadway as Rumored

Figuring out how these idiotic rumors get started, even as Trumpf expands the boundaries of idiocy, has become a science requiring persistence and patience.  After exercising some persistence and patience, I think I can write that this crazy rumor originated with the Fags for Trump, an ad hoc group similar to Blacks for Trump or Women for Trump, over countless cocktails at that notable watering hole on the Upper East Side and maybe at another in Greenwich Village.  It is true that Trumpf needs another big act to reinforce his support among his racist, obese, medicated, post-menopausal faithful, but to fiuck a chicken on Broadway, and on New Year's Eve to boot, poses enormous problems in logistics.  Imagine the concerns of the police department and fire department on the matter of crowd control, and security, et cera.  NO WAY, Trumpf, one just can't fuck chickens on Broadway to impress the lower white classes.  In New York, Ryan Seacrest packs more clout than the White House anyway.  Thankfully.  Anyhow, the critical issue involves the chicken and I'll have to leave it there.  So it does remain a mystery what stunt Trumpf will perform to close out this disastrous year, now that his chickenfuck antic is out of the question. So now, not to worry, there'll be Republican chicken fucking in New York on NYE.  We can't speak for anyplace else, however.

Friday, November 30, 2018

Young Evangelical Takes It in the Heart Instead of in the Ass

He was young.  He was Christian and Evangelical.  He was Virginal.  And he wanted to Get Laid in the most desperate way, I've concluded.  And religion was the outlet for acting out this desperation.  Superficially, he appeared feverish with Christian fervor and evangelism was an accessible means of acting out.  There are lots of misguided evangelicals out there as it's an easy club to join; in fact, it's a big business.  But for all the requirements of evangelical christianity meaning one has to get out there and Spread the Word, its members usually stick to friendly waters.  That was the Young Christian's big mistake, and getting there by canoe, no less.  Jesus wants his followers to obey the law, even if it's imposed by heathens like Hindoos.  Another mistake, young man. 

If only Christians lived their Bible.  For a young virgin to want sex and to engage in sex is not a sin as described in the Ten Commandments.  There's some twaddle about adultery, but an unmarried virgin cannot commit adultery, simply by definition.  Oh why couldn't your Christian colleagues have steered you in the right direction?  A nice hygienic dick might have something for you.  Instead you broke with Jesus' teaching, broke the law with the idea of selling religion to a primitive people not interested in your message and hostile to your mere presence.  And it what language were you intending to spread the Gospel to these unwilling prospects? 

Oh, poor young virginal Christians everywhere, please...please Get Laid!

Monday, November 12, 2018

Did Trump's Spray-On Tan Fail?

It's not something anyone I know might be interested in, but evidently there are some decent spray on tans out there.  French fashion house Guerlain puts out something called a terra cotta bronzer, which sounds fabulous.  Whatever Trumpf is using to make himself look like an underbaked chicken, it should be no surprise that it wasn't up to a Paris autumn rain.  So it went that Trumpf may have feared his tan running down his face, and that wouldn't do,so appearances were canceled.  What to do?  Trumpkins should pitch in and have a shitload of Guerlain terra cotta bronzer sent over to the White House right now, but that probably won't happen.  Last I checked: Guerlain is still French.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

GOP Gives Linzie Graham More Time to Butch It Up

Billy admits that he didn't realize how fast Trumpf would act to send Ole Miss Sessions slammin' back to Alabam.  One goddamned day after the Dems sealed the deal (tho it's still not over, it's good enuf as-is), Trumpf appointed what appears to be a big bald white con man to run the show at the Justice Department.  What gives?  Why not appoint the Confirmed Bachelor straight out?

Rumors swirling within conservative fag Republican circles suggest that the Confirmed Bachelor required more time to become acceptably macho for the job.  The unisexual name doesn't help...would that be Miss or Mr.?  And Billy disagrees that Southern accents are uniformly faggy.  He attributes that idea to the most famous Southern fag of all time, the great Truman Capote, and Tru's drug and drinking problems only exaggerated such.  But the Confirmed Bachelor went off the rails during the Kavanaugh hearings, sounding more like a Carolina spinster ranting against integrating her little niece's kindergarten class.  It didn't read well at all.  It was scary.  Is there an old Confederate hag in there, screaming to get out?  Somebody, do something.

And Billy surmises that the GOP has given up on locating some baritone babe to commit to 'stunt babe' status with the idea of making the Bachelor less Confirmed. 'Stunt Babe' is a term I never encountered during my time in the military.  I read it in Rich Merritt's 'Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star'...(while still on active duty, Rich performed in gay porn under the name of Danny Orlis, pretty ballsy I have to say)..where gaylena officers teamed with muff munchin' counterparts for the appearance of respectability.  Basically, it was a gay sham to keep reality under wraps.  These were career military officer types with a lot to lose.  The Confirmed Bachelor himself served honorably and so evidently understands how this game must be played.  No dice, Billy guesses.  People are too smart these days.  Besides, if he wanted to play the game, he'd have a stunt babe of his own by now.

But the butching up campaign goes on.  Republican bitches are whispering that Sarah Huckabee Sanders might be called in to give the Confirmed Bachelor some coaching on how to project a tough mannish snarl and how to master the extenuated run-on word salad responses to tough questions.

With that that big bald white dude barrelling his big rig towards the obvious roadblock, Billy guesses that Fox News will be called in to build up the Confirmed Bachelor as acceptable as-is.

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

GOP too nelly to stop Trumpf now

Billy has felt all along that Trumpf was an accident and the GOP was too confused to do anything about it.  I'm writing about the GOP primary season with all those candidates, Trumpf among them, what's he doing here?  Is he for real?  No, it's not for real...but for him it was fun, all that attention, the adoring crowds, let's keep it going. let's keep it outrageous.  If there had been only one or two other imposing candidates, the GOP establishment might have done something to hinder the Trumpf climb, but with over a dozen candidates, each not sure which or whom to attack first, any resistance was dissipated, especially after the Great White Hope Jeb Bush turned out to be Merely White.

At the GOP convention, Billy kept waiting for the credentials committee to challenge Trumpf, after all he had been a New York Democrat, buddies with Bill & Hillary, a mover and shaker who had to work with city government officials, unions, charities, neighborhood groups...in New York...and got good at it...how could he not be a Democrat then?  Why is he a Republican now?  Because he showed that he could best harness hatred for Obama and the Clintons better than any other Republican at the time, Billy guesses.

Well, it's too late now.  Trumpf has clearly taken over the party and refashioned it in his own image,as the cliche goes.  He's had help, too: a Senate leader who looks suspiciously like an old Irish nun in a suit and tie.  It's obvious she'd support the Whore of Babylon if Trumpf nominated such for the Supreme Court. 

But when the butchest Republican in the Senate, that on-the-surface Very Nice Lady with the Connecticut lockjaw accent, announced that she would vote for a pasty-faced dough ball for the Supreme Court, it became clear that the Last Man had caved in.  One could say that at least Kavanaugh's better than the Whore of Babylon.  Could one?  Really?

When Trumpf was put into the White House...Billy suspected some vote tinkering, but not the Commie Russian variety...he predicted endless litigation of one kind or another, and that has turned out to be true.  Whatever happens next week, there will be even more litigation, and the whitey dough ball will be involved and not how you might think, and Trumpf will be laid bare, in more than one way, and we'll see how the Democrats measure up...Billy hopes this nelliness will come to an end, somehow.

Vote, men. 

Friday, July 13, 2018

Trumpf Shits Where He Eats

The greatest vaudeville act to come out of Park Avenue continued to delight his fan club with an outrageous performance at a NATO conference, then delivered his usual load of bullshit to an unappreciative audience in London; so seeking better ratings, takes the act to Russia where he is expected to bring down the house.  Expect a new act in Russia with its crypto-gayboi Himself a formidable Star in His Own Right who will roll out the Red Carpet for the Park Avenue vaudevillian, and a Private Lapdance Meeting (for all we know) away from that pesky media.  Yes, that's what it will be: a Private Lapdance with a crypto-gay.  You can fill out the blanks as you see fit. 

We anxiously await what comes out of the Private Session, but one thing is certain: the players will be toasting with Pinko Champagne.