Monday, November 12, 2018

Did Trump's Spray-On Tan Fail?

It's not something anyone I know might be interested in, but evidently there are some decent spray on tans out there.  French fashion house Guerlain puts out something called a terra cotta bronzer, which sounds fabulous.  Whatever Trumpf is using to make himself look like an underbaked chicken, it should be no surprise that it wasn't up to a Paris autumn rain.  So it went that Trumpf may have feared his tan running down his face, and that wouldn't do,so appearances were canceled.  What to do?  Trumpkins should pitch in and have a shitload of Guerlain terra cotta bronzer sent over to the White House right now, but that probably won't happen.  Last I checked: Guerlain is still French.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

GOP Gives Linzie Graham More Time to Butch It Up

Billy admits that he didn't realize how fast Trumpf would act to send Ole Miss Sessions slammin' back to Alabam.  One goddamned day after the Dems sealed the deal (tho it's still not over, it's good enuf as-is), Trumpf appointed what appears to be a big bald white con man to run the show at the Justice Department.  What gives?  Why not appoint the Confirmed Bachelor straight out?

Rumors swirling within conservative fag Republican circles suggest that the Confirmed Bachelor required more time to become acceptably macho for the job.  The unisexual name doesn't help...would that be Miss or Mr.?  And Billy disagrees that Southern accents are uniformly faggy.  He attributes that idea to the most famous Southern fag of all time, the great Truman Capote, and Tru's drug and drinking problems only exaggerated such.  But the Confirmed Bachelor went off the rails during the Kavanaugh hearings, sounding more like a Carolina spinster ranting against integrating her little niece's kindergarten class.  It didn't read well at all.  It was scary.  Is there an old Confederate hag in there, screaming to get out?  Somebody, do something.

And Billy surmises that the GOP has given up on locating some baritone babe to commit to 'stunt babe' status with the idea of making the Bachelor less Confirmed. 'Stunt Babe' is a term I never encountered during my time in the military.  I read it in Rich Merritt's 'Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star'...(while still on active duty, Rich performed in gay porn under the name of Danny Orlis, pretty ballsy I have to say)..where gaylena officers teamed with muff munchin' counterparts for the appearance of respectability.  Basically, it was a gay sham to keep reality under wraps.  These were career military officer types with a lot to lose.  The Confirmed Bachelor himself served honorably and so evidently understands how this game must be played.  No dice, Billy guesses.  People are too smart these days.  Besides, if he wanted to play the game, he'd have a stunt babe of his own by now.

But the butching up campaign goes on.  Republican bitches are whispering that Sarah Huckabee Sanders might be called in to give the Confirmed Bachelor some coaching on how to project a tough mannish snarl and how to master the extenuated run-on word salad responses to tough questions.

With that that big bald white dude barrelling his big rig towards the obvious roadblock, Billy guesses that Fox News will be called in to build up the Confirmed Bachelor as acceptable as-is.

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

GOP too nelly to stop Trumpf now

Billy has felt all along that Trumpf was an accident and the GOP was too confused to do anything about it.  I'm writing about the GOP primary season with all those candidates, Trumpf among them, what's he doing here?  Is he for real?  No, it's not for real...but for him it was fun, all that attention, the adoring crowds, let's keep it going. let's keep it outrageous.  If there had been only one or two other imposing candidates, the GOP establishment might have done something to hinder the Trumpf climb, but with over a dozen candidates, each not sure which or whom to attack first, any resistance was dissipated, especially after the Great White Hope Jeb Bush turned out to be Merely White.

At the GOP convention, Billy kept waiting for the credentials committee to challenge Trumpf, after all he had been a New York Democrat, buddies with Bill & Hillary, a mover and shaker who had to work with city government officials, unions, charities, neighborhood groups...in New York...and got good at it...how could he not be a Democrat then?  Why is he a Republican now?  Because he showed that he could best harness hatred for Obama and the Clintons better than any other Republican at the time, Billy guesses.

Well, it's too late now.  Trumpf has clearly taken over the party and refashioned it in his own image,as the cliche goes.  He's had help, too: a Senate leader who looks suspiciously like an old Irish nun in a suit and tie.  It's obvious she'd support the Whore of Babylon if Trumpf nominated such for the Supreme Court. 

But when the butchest Republican in the Senate, that on-the-surface Very Nice Lady with the Connecticut lockjaw accent, announced that she would vote for a pasty-faced dough ball for the Supreme Court, it became clear that the Last Man had caved in.  One could say that at least Kavanaugh's better than the Whore of Babylon.  Could one?  Really?

When Trumpf was put into the White House...Billy suspected some vote tinkering, but not the Commie Russian variety...he predicted endless litigation of one kind or another, and that has turned out to be true.  Whatever happens next week, there will be even more litigation, and the whitey dough ball will be involved and not how you might think, and Trumpf will be laid bare, in more than one way, and we'll see how the Democrats measure up...Billy hopes this nelliness will come to an end, somehow.

Vote, men. 

Friday, July 13, 2018

Trumpf Shits Where He Eats

The greatest vaudeville act to come out of Park Avenue continued to delight his fan club with an outrageous performance at a NATO conference, then delivered his usual load of bullshit to an unappreciative audience in London; so seeking better ratings, takes the act to Russia where he is expected to bring down the house.  Expect a new act in Russia with its crypto-gayboi Himself a formidable Star in His Own Right who will roll out the Red Carpet for the Park Avenue vaudevillian, and a Private Lapdance Meeting (for all we know) away from that pesky media.  Yes, that's what it will be: a Private Lapdance with a crypto-gay.  You can fill out the blanks as you see fit. 

We anxiously await what comes out of the Private Session, but one thing is certain: the players will be toasting with Pinko Champagne. 

Monday, June 18, 2018

Trumpf, L'il Kim: Lorie Daves Beauty Failures

One would think the Lorie Daves' beauty treatment, peddled in jest by Saturday Night Live back in the day, would not have worked for either the Fake President or Korean playmate, L'il Kim.  Lorie's treatment is more of a strategy than a treatment, and it's pretty simple: hang out with hideous people who make you look gorgeous by comparison.  As we all observed, such a treatment didn't work well in Singapore at all: chubby L'il Kim stuck to his landscaped head and the usual flab-concealing suit tank he favors.  Fake President showed up in his usual bulky mass of dark fabric stiched together somewhere in Mexico (assuming he wears his own brand of suit) and another of those long ties better than halfway to his crotch.  The end result, based on Lorie Daves: a draw.

It wasn't a draw regarding politics, however. Score it as a big win for L'il Kim in getting the cancellation of our war games exercises with South Korea.  As a veteran, I understand the enormity of this irresponsible decision that will compromise American readiness in case of military engagement, in the first place, that's why we're there in dicey Korea, at great expense to the American taxpayer among other matter.  In the second place, the Fake President is putting American service personnel at a disadvantage.  Even a Fake President, as a graduate of a rich boy's pissy military academy (nice uniforms!) should understand such military basics.  No chance.  Good work, L'il Kim: forget Lorie Daves, and yeah, your hair IS better.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Fake President Fucks It Up in Canada

A fabulous, blowsy, frowzy, bleached blond blowhard went north and from there things went south.  The news is abuzz over the G7 Meeting fiasco, with the Fake President and his hatchet men attacking our best friend and ally in the world, Canada.  The media pretends to be puzzled over Trumpf's attacks on Justin Trudeau, why, why, why?  It's obvious to me, and maybe to others.  The out-of-shape, fast food guzzling, tweeting Fake President couldn't handle being anywhere close to the young, handsome, articulate Canadian with good hair (unbleached) and wow, wearing a suit that actually fits.  So a Fake President, with all those bulges concealed in a bulky Trump suit (banned from Macy's god bless them), just did what any Mean Girl would do.  Who's surprised?  Not me, that's for sure. 

The Fake President might do better in his upcoming meeting in Singapore.  There won't be any Trudeaus there, but rather a schlumpy Asian chubette with a lot of obvious personal problems.  One thing, though, the Korean has better hair.  That might be enough to set the Fake President off.  We'll know soon enough.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Barebacking Hollywood Street Whore Runs for WeHo City Council

His real name is Erik Schmidt but I became aware of him when he was Erik Eriksen showing it off on the wrapper cover of the Knightbreeders (based in North Hollywood) video, 'Barebacking Hollywood Street Whores.'  And it is very nice, straight up and rock hard.  Erik wears nothing more than a fishnet top...and a baseball cap; nothing subtle about Knightbreeders porn. 

There was always a bit of humor to Erik's porn persona.  For a while he uploaded his own videos frequently on Xtube.  Mostly the videos followed Erik on his prowls around West Hollywood and meet ups starting at a garbage dumpster in the alley, for example.  He also had an interesting schtick: uploading hardcore sex videos with Erik delivering an exposition in front of the venue of the moment, a collection of some of the most notorious sheet burners to be found in LA, one of them, the Olive Motel on Sunset Blvd, I know personally.  If you like your sex sleazy this was the place to start.  Erik thought up this routine and it became a personal Xtube favorite, and I would have added them to my 'Favorites' collection, except for one thing: they were all safe sex videos, such was his sex life at the time.  So he can preach hiv prevention and not be phony about it, that's a fact.  Erik has admitted his own positive status and says it began with a rape...OK.

It's been a longtime since I lived in WeHo.  I grew up there before it incorporated into its own city, and when terms such as 'Boystown' and 'Swish Alps' were commonly used.  And though I live in San Francisco now, I remain interested in WeHo (a relatively recent term) and return a couple of times a year.  Give me a good reason and I'll get my ass down there.  From what I can see, the WeHo city government shows a bit of a good old gay boy culture, and I don't know how good that can be, but I'm pretty sure that Erik Schmidt is not part of it, and that's something.  He's educated, and a veteran, and that' a good thread for a start.  Barebacking.  Street Whore.  Poz.  Hung.  The thread goes on.  I wish I could endorse, but I can't here....I'm not qualified...but I think Erik Schmidt is a good start if you're not into good old gay boys.